Many parents, SLP’s, and educators use the terms “communication” and “language” interchangeably. However, in the world of child development—these two processes are distinct, though deeply intertwined.

Understanding the difference is not just an academic exercise; it is the key to supporting children with developmental delays, and specifically those with communication delays (not language delays) such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). As Dr. Greenspan often emphasized, focusing on language before a solid foundation of non-verbal communication is built is like trying to teach algebra to a student who hasn’t yet learned basic arithmetic.

Part 1: Beyond Words: Why Communication is the Foundation of Language

For many parents, the ultimate milestone is the “first word.” We wait for that specific combination of sounds that signals our child is finally “talking.” However, developmental experts argue that focusing solely on speech can be a mistake. To truly support an infant’s growth, we must understand the critical difference between the developmental process of developing communication versus acquiring language.

While these terms are often used as synonyms, they represent two very different layers of human interaction.

1. Communication: The Social-Emotional Intent

Pre-verbal communication begins at birth and is rooted in the social-emotional connection between an infant and a caregiver. It is the ability to share a feeling, a need, or an intention through a sequence of gestures, facial expressions, and vocalizations.  Eventually, between 12 and 18 months, these long chains of pre-verbal interaction become a “proto-conversation”.

Within the Greenspan/DIR™ Model, a critical milestone can be observed around 18 months: the Continuous Flow of Interaction (Milestone 4). At this stage, a child should be able to engage in 20 to 30 back-and-forth “circles of communication”, a “proto-conversatoin”. This is the primary focus of Greenspan Floortime—it isn’t about vocabulary; it’s about the “give-and-take”, “opening and closing of circles”, or “serve and return” of the co-regulated interaction.

The Research: Conversational Turns

This “Communication First” philosophy is backed by modern neuroscience. A landmark study from MIT (Romeo et al., 2018) used brain imaging to show that the number of “conversational turns” (back-and-forth interactions) between a caregiver and child—regardless of the child’s actual vocabulary—directly correlates with stronger activation in the brain’s language processing centers, such as Broca’s area. This confirms that the act of non-verbally communicating, and the expansion of the interaction, is what builds the brain’s capacity for language.

2. Language: The Symbolic Tool

Language is a subset of communication. It is the symbolic system—words, grammar, and signs—used to make communication more precise. While communication is about the desire to connect and the socially interactive patterns that emerge, language provides the symbols to do so at a higher level.

When a child learns to say “juice,” they have moved from gestural communication (pointing at the fridge) to symbolic. However, if a child learns words without the underlying communicative intent, they may develop “splinter skills.” They might be able to label 50 colors or recite the alphabet but struggle to use those words to express a feeling or solve a problem with another person.

Developmental practitioners warn that for children with developmental delays and Communication Disorders, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), language goals are often prioritized too early. If a child is taught to label objects (language) before they have mastered the back-and-forth of social interaction (communication), they may develop “splinter skills.” They might be able to recite the alphabet but struggle to use a single word to express a personal need or share joy with another person.

3. The Motor System: The Bridge to Both

A fascinating pillar of child development and the prefrontal cortex is that both communication and language development rely heavily on the motor system. We often think of language as purely cognitive, but it is physically demanding. Children use their gross and fine motor systems to communicate. Pushing, pulling, pointing, and nodding are all motor acts that serve a communicative purpose.  An infant must plan a gesture (pointing) or coordinate facial muscles. To speak, they must execute complex oral-motor sequences.

The Research: Developmental Cascades

Research by Iverson (2010) supports this “motor-to-language” pipeline. Her work on “developmental cascades” shows that when infants reach motor milestones like sitting or crawling, their social world expands. A crawling infant can physically bring an object to a parent to initiate an interaction, creating the very “circles of communication” prioritized in Greenspan Floortime®.

Furthermore, a large-scale study in Frontiers in Psychology (Wang et al., 2014) found that motor skills at 18 months were significant predictors of language skills at 36 months, suggesting that physical interaction with the world is a prerequisite for talking about it.

Why the Distinction Matters

If we view language as the goal, we might spend hours drilling flashcards or labeling everything we see. But if we apply the Greenspan/DIR Model™ and Greenspan Floortime®, we focus on:

• Following the Child’s Lead: Using Greenspan Floortime techniques to engage in what interests them to spark the desire to connect.
• Strengthening the “Flow”: Prioritizing the number of back-and-forth exchanges over the accuracy of words.
• Building the Motor Foundation: Encouraging gestures, reaching, and physical play as precursors to speech, and responding to each movement as a form of communication.

When we build a robust foundation of non-verbal communication, language naturally follows as a higher level communication tool to enhance a connection that is already flourishing.

Part 2: How Does Communication Develop and Eventually Become Language?

Communication is the process of sharing intentions, feelings, and needs through gestures, facial expressions, and sounds. Long before an infant says “Mama,” they are communicating by molding their body to yours, making eye contact, copying your facial expression, or pushing away a spoonful of unwanted peas.

The Foundations of Connection and Communication (0-9 Months: Milestones 1–3)

The earliest social-emotional milestones are all about establishing a warm, reciprocal relationship. You cannot build communication without first establishing a secure, engaged connection.

Milestone 1: Shared Attention (Not Joint Attention): This is the ability to share attention with both a person and an object or activity simultaneously. True shared attention requires the child to focus on the person just as much (if not more) as the object. At a minimum, the child should exhibit a 50/50 split, dividing their focus equally between the partner and the activity.  (Joint attention does not identify or measure the child’s interest in the person)

Growing into the Next Milestone: Once a child can show interest in you and the toy together, they are ready to become emotionally invested in you, i.e. engaged.

Milestone 5: Meaningful Expression of Symbolic Ideas: is where language used to with social intent begins!

The Research

Modern neuroscience supports Greenspan’s “Communication First” approach. A study from MIT (Romeo et al., 2018) found that the number of “conversational turns” (back-and-forth interactions) a child experiences is a much stronger predictor of brain development and language skills than the mere number of words they hear. These interactions stimulate the Broca’s area, the part of the brain responsible for speech production.

Conclusion: Should Language Goals Be Prioritized?

For children with communication delays, like in ASD, the rush is often to get them “talking.” However, Dr. Greenspan argued that language goals should not be prioritized at the expense of communication.

If we focus only on speech, we might teach a child to repeat words (echolalia) without the child understanding the social “give-and-take” that makes language meaningful. Instead, therapy should focus on:

1. Strengthening the Motor System: Helping the child plan and execute physical gestures, especially within a meaningful social interaction.
2. Building the Continuous Flow: Increasing the number of non-verbal back-and-forth exchanges.
3. Affect-Based Learning: Using the child’s emotions and interests to fuel the desire to communicate.
4. Getting the Child to Do the Thinking: Making sure the child is the one making decisions, planning their steps ahead of time, and figuring out what to do next within a game with a caregiver leads to greater activation of the Prefrontal Cortex. This part of the brain is needed when we are planning what we are going to say next.  It is used for gestural and linguistic communication. 

The path to a verbal child starts with a moving, gesturing, and emoting infant. By recognizing that communication is the foundation upon which the house of language is built, we can better support children in developing not just the ability to speak, but the desire and capacity to truly connect with others.

References & Further Reading:

• Greenspan, J. (2024). Should Language Goals be Prioritized for Children with Communication Delays, like ASD? StanleyGreenspan.com.
• Greenspan, J. (2024). Communication and Language Development Rely on the Development of the Motor System. StanleyGreenspan.com.
• Greenspan, J. “How Infants Learn Language: Dr. Greenspan Was Right 40 Years Ago.” StanleyGreenspan.com.
• Romeo, R. R., et al. (2018). Beyond the “30-Million-Word Gap:” Children’s Conversational Exposure is Associated with Language-Related Brain Function. Psychological Science.
• Iverson, J. M. (2010). Developing language in a developing body: The relationship between motor development and language development. Journal of Child Language.
• Lewkowicz, D. J., & Hansen-Tift, A. M. (2012). Infants deploy selective attention to the mouth of a talking face when learning speech. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 109(5), 1431-1436.
• Pons, F., Bosch, L., & Lewkowicz, D. J. (2015). Bilingualism shapes infant’s selective attention to a talking face. Psychological Science, 26(2), 190-198.
• Ten Giesselmen, M., et al. (2013). Infants’ attention to the eyes and the mouth: A matter of social and linguistic expertise. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology.

Wang, M. V., et al. (2014). “The longitudinal relationship between motor skills and language development.” Frontiers in Psycholog

Frequently Asked Questions

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True Regulation isn’t just about being “calm” or “well-behaved.” It’s about how a child’s nervous system takes in and organizes sensory and emotional experience—because those two systems must work together, all the time.

Research into neuroplasticity and child development suggests that the brain’s architecture is built through the “serve and return” of social interaction (aka Dr. Greenspan’s concept of Continuous Flow and Co-Regulated Interactions), which is heavily dependent on how a child processes the world around them (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2016).

That’s why Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s approach (created in the 1980’s, long before Harvard caught up) emphasizes understanding each child’s unique regulatory profile. The same room, the same toy, and the same adult can feel completely different to two different children—so the same “Greenspan Floortime technique” can land beautifully with one child and totally miss with another.

What is a “Regulatory Profile,” Really?

A regulatory profile is the pattern you notice in how a child:

• Reacts to sensory input (sound, touch, movement, visual input, etc.).
• Responds emotionally to experiences and relationships.
• Stays organized (or becomes disorganized) during everyday demands.
• Uses (or can’t access) attention, engagement, and reciprocal interaction because their system is either overloaded, under-activated, or inconsistent.

The field of Sensory Integration encourages us to consider how this modulation occurs within multiple systems—emotional, hearing, vision, touch, taste/smell—plus two especially important ones:

• Proprioception: Pressure feedback in muscles/joints; body awareness in space.
• Vestibular: Movement, balance, head position; also influences eye control.

The Research Backing: This focus on sensory and emotional processing is supported by the theory of Sensory Integration, which posits that the brain must organize sensory and emotional information to produce an adaptive response. Ayres (1972) established that difficulties in processing sensory information can lead to challenges in emotional regulation and behavioral output.

And crucially: we also have to consider how the child perceives and responds to the emotional components of experience, because the systems are meant to work together.

A major guiding idea here is the value of a truly integrated experience: using as many sensory systems as possible in an organized, balanced way while also having social-emotional interaction, so “different parts of the brain are working together” around one meaningful social experience.

1. The Sensitive Child (Over-reactive, more easily overwhelmed; “less is more”): Sensitive children tend to be sensory and emotionally over-reactive, so input can feel “too big” too fast. They may be avoidant or averse at first, and the louder or faster we move, the more reactive they become. This is often linked to a lower threshold for sensory and emotional stimuli (like swings, being picked up, or stepping into a large room), where the brain perceives a “threat” in standard environments (Dunn, 1997).

The Core Principle: Go Slowly and Be Gradual Greenspan Floortime® suggests moving “like a snail or a turtle.” Research on the Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011) supports this: when a child feels sensory “threat,” their nervous system shifts into a defensive state (fight/flight). By slowing down, we signal safety, allowing the child to move into a “social engagement” state.

That can show up as:

• getting overwhelmed by noise, touch, movement, visual “busy-ness,” transitions, or strong emotion
• caution, hesitation, avoidance, irritability, or shutting down when input is too much
• needing predictability and gradual changes to stay organized

A key nuance for adults: sometimes we raise enthusiasm to get attention, but if we stay at that intensity once the child is engaged, it can become overwhelming because your delivery is part of the sensory-emotional load.

This is not about lowering expectations. It’s about creating the conditions where the child can stay organized enough and feel safe enough to share attention, engage, and interact.

What “following the lead” means for Sensitive kids

Following the lead doesn’t mean hovering or letting the child do anything without purpose; it means joining in a way that helps the child feel safe, regulated, and motivated to connect. “Following the Child’s Lead” exists for the main purpose of entering the child’s world to create a shared world, not simply letting them wander.

For Sensitive kids, “following the lead” often means you join with:

• softer voice
• slower approach
• gentler facial expression and gestures
• more space and predictability

In practice: your pace, your tone, your facial expression, your physical distance, your voice volume—these are regulatory supports.

Reflective question (for parents and professionals): When a child is wary or overwhelmed, do you try to “win them over” by getting bigger and more animated—or can you slow your body and voice down enough that the child can stay organized while connecting?

2) The Seeking Child (under-reactive, but actively seeking: turn sensory into shared meaning): A Seeking child is often described as under-reactive—meaning their system may not be getting enough input to feel alert/organized—so they compensate by seeking more stimulation. They often want lots of movement, intensity, and action—running, swinging, crashing, bouncing—because that sensory input helps them feel organized enough to stay involved.

You might see:

• constant movement (crashing, jumping, spinning, running)
• big sensory preferences (intense pressure, intense movement, constant touching)
• revved-up energy that can look “hyper,” disorganized, or impulsive
• strong drive to keep input going (because it helps their system “turn on”)

The Research Backing: Studies on arousal modulation suggest that “seekers” are often trying to reach an optimal level of arousal. Without enough input, they may feel “foggy” or disorganized. By providing intense sensory input, we help them reach a state of “homeostasis” where learning can occur (Cascio, 2010).

The Core Technique: Join the Seeking, then Challenge The goal is to turn sensory input into a shared emotional experience.

• Rhythmic patterns: Use start/stop games to build attention.
• Adding Meaning: If they are swinging, it’s not just a swing; it’s an “airplane” going to a new destination. This bridges the gap between raw sensory input and symbolic thinking.
• In other words: seeking isn’t “bad behavior.” It may be an attempt at self-regulation. Your job is to turn it into shared regulation and shared meaning leading to strengthening ‘true regulation’.

When following the lead of a seeking child, we join their sensory activity and then challenge them just a little so it can begin to become more interactive and about the person and not the sensory activity—without stopping the sensory activity they love.

A key tool is adding rhythmic patterns—start/stop, start/stop—while closely watching the child’s response. That rhythm can help the child attend, engage, and begin to interact (rather than just “move”).  If they are symbolic and they like swinging, you might keep swinging but now it’s an “airplane” or “helicopter” going somewhere, different each time—as long as you’re still following their lead around the sensory preference .

This captures a central Greenspan Floortime theme: the goal isn’t sensory input by itself—it’s sensory input as part of a shared emotional experience that supports relating, communicating, and thinking.

Reflective question: When a child gets big and intense, do you feel an urge to shut it down and “teach calm”—or can you join safely and help the intensity become interactive and purposeful.

3) The Under-reactive/Passive Child (needs input but doesn’t seek it; “wake up the system” through relationship): These children need sensory stimulation but don’t seek it out. They may have low muscle tone or poor motor planning (dyspraxia). To the outside world, they may seem withdrawn or disinterested.  Under-reactive/passive children still need sensory stimulation, but for various reasons they may not show it clearly or seek it out.

Possible factors include:

• poor motor planning/sequencing (“not know how to get the stimulation”)
• low muscle tone
• being too passive/withdrawn in their own world
• even “learned passivity” (taught they are not allowed to seek stimulation)

The Research Backing: This profile often involves Low Registration (Dunn, 1997). The child’s brain requires a higher “volume” of input to register that something is happening. Research suggests that without active intervention to “wake up” the system, these children may miss out on critical social-emotional learning windows (Greenspan & Wieder, 1997).

The Core Technique: “Wake Up” the System through Relationship– The intervention is Sensory + Emotion + Interaction.

• Offer organized movement (swinging, pressure, tactile play).
• Pair it with high emotional warmth and animation to “alert” the system.
• The goal is to help them move from a passive state to a proactive, “reaching out” state.

Children often respond best when stimulation is controlled and organized, not overly intense/erratic (i.e., not out of their control).

It also points out common under-reactive areas, including:

• tactile (touch)
• vestibular (movement)
• proprioceptive (pressure)
• and even positive emotions/positive affect

That last point matters: for some children, it’s not only the sensory system that’s under-activated—the emotional system can be, too.

Crucially, sensory input should always be combined with high amounts of emotional stimulation—your voice and gestures can alert the child’s nervous system through these games, and as the child becomes more alert they operate less passively .
So the “intervention” is not just sensory: it’s sensory + emotion + interaction, deliberately integrated.

Reflective question: With a passive child, do you become overly “instructional” (trying to prompt skills), or can you become more emotionally present—warm voice, clear affect, playful anticipation—so the child’s system has a reason to “come online” with you?

A unifying principle across all three profiles: integrated experience beats isolated skills
Integrate sensory and emotional regulation within social-emotional interaction, rather than isolating skills, because integrated experiences help the brain work together around one meaningful activity. This is part of why Greenspan Floortime emphasizes adapting how we follow the lead based on the child’s regulatory profile, not just copying a technique.

Neuroscience shows that the brain is not a collection of isolated parts; the Prefrontal Cortex (higher thinking) and the Limbic System (emotion/regulation) must be well-connected for a child to thrive (Siegel, 2012). Greenspan Floortime® targets these connections by refusing to separate “sensory work” from “emotional relating and interaction.”

Help the system “wake up” through relationship
For passive/under-reactive children, provide more of the input they’re under-reactive to—but inside a fun, interactive social exchange. When the input is matched well and paired with warm engagement, children can become more alert and increasingly proactive over time.

This is a big Greenspan principle: we don’t separate “sensory work” from emotional interaction—an integrated, socially meaningful experience helps the brain work together as a whole.

Practical mini “cheat sheet” (for quick reference)

If the child is Sensitive…

• Think: reduce intensity, increase predictability
• Do: slow body/voice (“snail/turtle”), gradual approach, don’t stay “amped” after engagement

If the child is Seeking…

• Think: join the movement, then make it shared and meaningful
• Do: keep preferred sensory play going, add tiny challenges that invite interaction/pretend

If the child is Under-reactive/Passive…

• Think: they may need input but won’t ask for it
• Do: offer movement/pressure/touch in an organized way and pair it with strong emotional warmth/animation to alert the system

Why these profiles matter so much in Greenspan Floortime® sessions
Children (and adults) experience the world differently, and that these differences shape personality traits, behaviors, and learning styles—so to help a child learn, we must adjust our methods to the child’s profile.

And this is why Greenspan Floortime® is not one-size-fits-all: the adult must adapt moment to moment based on the child’s responses, because the goal is always the same—help the child relate, communicate, and think within real interaction.

Reflective Thought: Your Style Matters too

A child’s regulation happens in a relationship. This is the concept of Co-regulation. Research indicates that an adult’s ability to remain regulated and attuned (the “Social Engagement System”) is the primary predictor of a child’s ability to eventually self-regulate (Porges, 2011).

A child’s regulation is never happening in a vacuum— it’s happening in a relationship.
So here are a few reflective questions that often change the interaction immediately:

Ask yourself:

• When your child is Sensitive/over-reactive, do you tend to get bigger/louder to “pull them in”—or do you naturally slow down?
• When your child is Seeking, do you feel playful joining—or do you feel exhausted/irritated by the intensity?
• When your child is Passive, do you become more animated and warmer—or do you get quiet and start “teaching” to fill the silence?

Your own pacing, intensity, and emotional signals can either support the child’s regulation—or accidentally push them further into overload, revving, or withdrawal.

Closing thought

These three regulatory profiles—Sensitive, Seeking, and Passive—are not labels to stick on a child. They’re a map that helps you answer a more useful question:
“What does this child’s body and emotional system need right now in order to stay organized enough to connect with me?”

Sources

• Ayres, A. J. (1972). Sensory Integration and Learning Disorders.
• Cascio, C. J. (2010). The Sensory Challenges of Autism.
• Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2016). From Best Practices to Breakthrough Impacts.
• Dunn, W. (1997). The Impact of Sensory Processing Abilities on the Daily Lives of Young Children and Their Families.
• Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (1997). Developmental Patterns and Outcomes in Infants and Children with Disorders in Relating and Communicating.
• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation.
• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are.

Frequently Asked Questions

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If your child has been diagnosed with autism, you’ve almost certainly been presented with ABA therapy as the primary — and sometimes only — recommended option. But there’s another evidence-based approach with decades of clinical research behind it: The Greenspan Floortime Approach®. This isn’t a takedown of ABA. It’s an honest look at how these two approaches differ, and why more families are choosing — or adding — Floortime to their child’s program.

What Is ABA Therapy?

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is a therapy approach rooted in behavioral psychology. It uses structured reinforcement to teach specific skills and reduce unwanted behaviors. ABA is widely prescribed for autism and is often covered by insurance. ABA can be effective at teaching discrete skills — toileting, following directions, reducing self-injurious behavior. Many families have found value in ABA when implemented with warmth and flexibility.

What Is the Greenspan Floortime Approach®?

The Greenspan Floortime Approach® is a relationship-based, developmental therapy developed by Dr. Stanley I. Greenspan. Rather than targeting specific behaviors, it builds the underlying developmental foundations — emotional connection, communication, problem-solving, and creative thinking — through child-led, joyful play. Floortime is rooted in the Greenspan/DIR model, which looks at the whole child: their developmental level, their individual sensory and processing differences, and the relationships that drive their growth.

The Core Difference: Behavior vs. Development

• ABA focuses on what a child does — and uses reinforcement to shape those behaviors toward desired outcomes.
• The Greenspan Floortime Approach® focuses on who a child is developmentally — and builds genuine emotional and cognitive capacities from the inside out.

Dr. Greenspan’s view was that a child who learns to comply with demands hasn’t necessarily developed the internal emotional architecture needed for genuine relationships, flexible thinking, and self-directed learning. Floortime aims to build that architecture first.

Can You Do Both?

Many families do. ABA and Floortime are not mutually exclusive. Some families use ABA for specific skill-building while incorporating Floortime principles at home to deepen connection and emotional development. Others transition away from ABA as their child progresses with Floortime. The most important thing is that your child’s program is built around their individual developmental needs.

What Does the Research Say?

Dr. Greenspan’s approach is supported by peer-reviewed research showing significant gains in communication, emotional functioning, and overall development for children with autism. His landmark studies documented children making developmental progress previously thought impossible.

Learn More About The Greenspan Floortime Approach®

Whether you’re just starting to explore your options or looking to complement your child’s current program, stanleygreenspan.com has everything you need — including Dr. Greenspan’s Parent Course, The Floortime Manual 2nd Edition, and Ask Stanley AI for personalized guidance. Explore resources at stanleygreenspan.com

Frequently Asked Questions

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If your child has received a diagnosis of autism, developmental delay, or sensory processing differences, you’ve likely heard the term DIR or DIR/Floortime. But what does DIR actually mean — and why does Dr. Greenspan’s version, The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, stand apart from other developmental therapies? Here’s a plain-language breakdown.

What Does DIR Stand For?

DIR stands for Developmental, Individual Differences, and Relationship-based. It’s a comprehensive framework developed by Dr. Stanley I. Greenspan that looks at the whole child — not just behaviors or symptoms.

D — Developmental

The D refers to the six Functional Emotional Developmental Levels (FEDLs) that Dr. Greenspan identified as the foundation of all human learning and growth. These range from basic self-regulation and engagement all the way to abstract, logical thinking. Unlike approaches that target isolated skills, the Greenspan/DIR model asks: Where is this child developmentally, and how do we build from there?

I — Individual Differences

The I recognizes that every child processes the world differently. This includes sensory processing — how the brain handles sound, touch, movement, and visual input — motor planning, and auditory processing. A child who covers their ears isn’t being difficult. A child who crashes into furniture isn’t being reckless. They’re communicating through their nervous system. Once you understand your child’s individual differences, you can work with them instead of against them.

R — Relationship-Based

The R is the heart of the entire framework. All development — including academic, social, and emotional development — happens through warm, trusting relationships. The therapeutic relationship between parent and child is not just a vehicle for learning. It IS the learning. This is why The Greenspan Floortime Approach® centers parents as primary agents of their child’s development.

How the DIR Model Differs From Behavioral Approaches

Many autism therapies focus primarily on behavioral outcomes — teaching specific skills, reducing unwanted behaviors, or building compliance. The Greenspan/DIR model takes a fundamentally different view:

• Behavioral approaches ask: What does the child do, and how do we change it?
• The Greenspan/DIR model asks: Where is the child developmentally, and what do they need to grow?

The goal isn’t compliance — it’s genuine developmental growth. Children who progress through the DIR framework develop the internal emotional and cognitive tools they need for life, not just for a therapy setting.

Who Is the DIR Model For?

The Greenspan/DIR model was originally developed for children with autism spectrum disorder, but it has been applied successfully with children experiencing language delays, sensory processing disorders, ADHD, anxiety, Down syndrome, and other developmental conditions. The principles of the DIR framework support healthy development in all children — not just those with diagnoses.

Learn the Full Framework

The All Access Pass at stanleygreenspan.com gives you Dr. Greenspan’s complete library — including the Parent Course, Ask Stanley AI, all his books, and a certificate of completion in The Greenspan Floortime Approach®. Explore the All Access Pass at stanleygreenspan.com

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If you’ve been told your child would benefit from Floortime therapy but aren’t sure where to start at home, you’re in the right place. The Greenspan Floortime Approach® was developed by Dr. Stanley I. Greenspan — one of the world’s leading child psychiatrists — and it’s something every parent can learn to do, right on the living room floor.

What Is Greenspan Floortime®?

The Greenspan Floortime Approach® is a relationship-based therapy that builds your child’s emotional, social, and intellectual development from the ground up. Unlike approaches that focus on behavior modification, Floortime focuses on connection — meeting your child exactly where they are developmentally and building upward from there.

The 6 Developmental Milestones

Dr. Greenspan identified six Functional Emotional Developmental Levels (FEDLs) that every child needs to master in order:

1. Self-regulation and interest in the world — Can your child stay calm and engaged?
2. Engagement and relating — Does your child show warmth and connection with you?
3. Two-way purposeful communication — Can your child open and close circles of communication?
4. Complex problem solving — Does your child use social interaction to solve problems?
5. Creating ideas — Can your child engage in symbolic or pretend play?
6. Logical and abstract thinking — Can your child connect ideas and reason?

Step-by-Step: How to Do Floortime at Home

Step 1: Follow Your Child’s Lead

Start by simply observing what your child is interested in. Are they lining up cars? Spinning a top? Don’t redirect — join them. Get on the floor and enter their world without an agenda.

Step 2: Open Circles of Communication

Once you’re in their world, look for ways to join the play that invite a response. If your child pushes a car, gently block it with your hand — not to stop them, but to create a moment of interaction. Did they look at you? Make a sound? That’s a circle opening.

Step 3: Close the Circle

A circle is closed when your child responds to your gesture, sound, or action with their own. Work toward closing 20+ circles in a session over time.

Step 4: Stay Playful and Warm

Floortime only works when it’s fun. Keep your energy warm, playful, and full of delight — even when it’s challenging.

Step 5: Do It Daily

Dr. Greenspan recommended multiple Floortime sessions of 20–30 minutes per day. Even 2–3 meaningful sessions daily makes a measurable difference over time.

Floortime Happens Everywhere

You don’t need a therapy room. Floortime moments happen during bath time, meals, car rides, and bedtime routines. Every back-and-forth interaction — every opened and closed circle — is building your child’s developmental foundation.

Ready to Learn More?

Dr. Greenspan created a comprehensive Parent Course specifically to teach families how to implement The Greenspan Floortime Approach® at home. The 4-part video course is bundled with The Floortime Manual 2nd Edition ebook. Explore the Parent Course + Manual Bundle at stanleygreenspan.com

Frequently Asked Questions

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Imagine a child getting dressed in the morning. Before a single button is fastened, the brain must perform an extraordinary series of tasks: remember what comes first, plan each step, sequence the actions in the right order, and adjust when something doesn’t go as expected. This invisible mental choreography is called executive functioning — and it is one of the most critical skill sets a child will ever develop.

Among the pioneers who helped us understand how these skills emerge through early relationships and play was Dr. Stanley I. Greenspan (1941–2010), a renowned child psychiatrist and clinical professor at George Washington University Medical School. His groundbreaking Greenspan/DIR™ Model — Developmental, Individual Differences, Relationship-based — and The Greenspan Floortime Approach® revolutionized how therapists, educators, and parents think about child development and how they support it.

What Is Executive Functioning?

Executive functions are cognitive processes that help us plan, focus, remember, and manage multiple tasks — the brain’s “air traffic control system.” The three core components are:

• Inhibitory Control — The ability to pause, regulate our emotions, resist impulses, and think before acting.
• Working Memory — Holding and using information in the mind while completing a task.
• Cognitive Flexibility — Predicting, planning ahead, shifting attention, and adapting to new information or unexpected changes.

Research shows that executive function predicts academic achievement beyond IQ alone — making it one of the strongest indicators of long-term success (Diamond, 2013).

Planning and Sequencing: The Building Blocks of Action

• Planning — Identifying steps needed to reach a goal and organizing them in advance.
• Sequencing — Arranging and executing those steps in the correct order.

How These Skills Develop

• 12 months: Children begin grasping basic sequencing concepts with adult scaffolding, not directing.
• 2–4 years: Through play, children practice integrating attention, working memory, and impulse control.
• Around age 7: Children shift from trial-and-error to deliberate, logical planning.

The Pitfall of Adult-Led Scaffolding: When Adults “Steal” the Thinking

In many traditional, adult-led therapeutic models — including some forms of Speech Therapy, ABA, and Special Education — the adult inadvertently acts as the child’s “external prefrontal cortex.” By structuring the environment, providing step-by-step prompts, and modeling the exact desired behavior, the adult performs the heavy lifting of planning and sequencing for the child.

While this may result in a successfully completed task, Dr. Stanley Greenspan argued that it fails to build the child’s own internal capacity for high-level thinking. According to the Greenspan/DIR™ Model, when an adult directs the interaction, the child is essentially “following a script” rather than generating an idea. This can lead to prompt dependency — where a child’s ability to initiate and sequence actions remains tethered to an external cue rather than an internal motive (Greenspan, 2006).

Current research supports this distinction. Diamond (2013) emphasizes that executive functions are like muscles — they only develop when they are challenged. When a therapist or parent does the “thinking” for the child, the brain misses the opportunity to practice inhibitory control and working memory. A 2011 study in Science highlights that the most effective interventions are those that require the child to stay mentally engaged and “think on their feet” within a social context (Diamond & Lee, 2011).

By shifting from a “directive” to a “relational” stance, The Greenspan Floortime Approach® ensures the child is the one navigating social-emotional challenges — which is the biological catalyst for building a robust and independent executive system.

Dr. Stanley Greenspan and the Greenspan/DIR™ Model

Dr. Greenspan believed that emotional experience is the engine of development. A child who cannot regulate their emotions cannot plan, sequence, or problem-solve effectively. The Greenspan/DIR™ model progresses children through Functional Emotional Developmental Milestones, building executive functioning capacity at each stage.

This process begins with co-regulating with caregivers, expanding to using the motor system to communicate, to choosing which word to use next, to planning and adapting behavior when socializing with peers. Eventually, executive functioning becomes one of the primary tools used in academic life. To strengthen these “muscles,” Greenspan Floortime® prioritizes:

• Making the child do the thinking: Greenspan Floortime® entices children to solve problems within social interactions themselves.
• Emotional engagement as a driver: Emotionally invested children sustain attention and plan ahead purposefully within interactions.
• Prefrontal cortex activation through play: Rich, interactive social play directly develops the brain region responsible for planning and sequencing.

What the Research Says

A landmark longitudinal study found that childhood executive functioning is associated with academic achievement, health, financial stability, and wellbeing into adulthood (Diamond & Lee, 2011). A follow-up study tracking children from age 5.5 to 18 years found working memory and cognitive flexibility were highly stable — confirming that child-centered early intervention matters enormously.

Evidence-based interventions for children ages 4–12 include:

• Play-based, thinking-based, and relationship-centered approaches (aligned with Greenspan Floortime®)
• Aerobics, yoga, and martial arts
• Mindfulness practices
• Child-centered Occupational Therapy
• Unstructured socially interactive play with caregivers and peers

Practical Strategies for Parents and Educators

• Follow the child’s lead in play. Let them set the agenda — your role is to join their world while expanding and enriching the interaction.
• Ask “what comes next?” Encourage children to verbalize their plans before acting.
• Use visual schedules. Let them pick which activity goes where within a predefined structure.
• Celebrate process over outcomes. When a child figures out how to approach a challenge, their executive functioning is growing.
• Create “just right” challenges. Tasks slightly above the current level — but achievable with support — drive the most growth.
• Prioritize warm, responsive relationships. Emotional safety is the foundation upon which all executive functioning is built. “Give before you Expect.”

Conclusion

Executive functioning — and specifically planning and sequencing — are the architecture of a child’s ability to navigate life. As Dr. Greenspan taught us: children don’t just think their way into emotional health — they feel their way into thinking. Invest in the relationship, and the development will follow.

References & Further Reading

• Diamond, A. (2013). Executive Functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168.
• Diamond, A. & Lee, K. (2011). Interventions Shown to Aid Executive Function Development in Children 4–12 Years Old. Science, 333(6045), 959–964.
• Greenspan, S.I. (2006). Engaging Autism. Da Capo Press.
• ICDL. DIR/Floortime Model Overview. www.icdl.com
• The Floortime Center. thefloortimecenter.com
• StanleyGreenspan.com

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Why ADLs Aren’t “Just Skills”—They’re Developmental Opportunities

How Greenspan Floortime® builds real-life interdependence through connection.

Greenspan Floortime® is widely recognized as a child-centered, thinking-based approach using play and meaningful relationships to encourage child development. However, one of its most practical and powerful applications happens outside of traditional therapy sessions—it happens during everyday Activities of Daily Living (ADLs). Routines like getting dressed, bath time, and making a snack are packed with opportunities to build the core foundations of independence: regulation, engagement, communication, problem-solving, and flexibility.

In Dr. Greenspan’s framework, the primary goals are simple: Relate, Communicate, Think. When these three pillars grow, ADLs naturally become easier and more independent because the child is calmer, more connected, and better equipped to plan and adapt.

Here is a look at why Greenspan Floortime® leads to real-life independence, supported by developmental research.

1. Regulation Comes First

Many ADL struggles are not about a child “not knowing how” to do a task. Often, they are about a child being too dysregulated to organize their body, attention, and emotions long enough to complete it.

Greenspan Floortime® starts with helping a child become calm, focused, and able to engage with a person and not only the activity or object.  This “ground-up” approach meets the child developmentally rather than forcing age-level performance. When regulation improves, you typically see a cascade of positive effects:

• Fewer battles during transitions, such as moving from the bath to pajamas.
• Increased tolerance for sensory experiences, like toothpaste flavors or clothing textures.
• Greater willingness to accept help because the child remains emotionally connected.

What the Research Says: Recent clinical studies on sensory processing in neurodivergent children emphasize that atypical sensory reactivity severely limits participation in daily living activities. Research on pediatric occupational therapy highlights that addressing underlying autonomic arousal and self-regulation—rather than just forcing task compliance—significantly improves a child’s ability to engage in functional, everyday routines.[^1]

2. Motivation and Relationship Over Compliance

Because daily routines often feel rushed, they can easily become adult-led and compliance-driven. Greenspan Floortime® flips this dynamic by remaining child-centered. You follow the child’s lead, join their world, and then gently challenge and expand the interaction.

The limitation of “just comply” approaches is that while a child may complete a task with heavy prompting, they rarely generalize that independence or build problem-solving skills. Floortime constantly asks: “Who’s doing the thinking?” If the adult is doing all the thinking (“Put your arm here. Now pull. Step in.”), the child never builds their own internal cognitive processing, further shutting down their prefrontal cortex and their development of executive functioning. 

What the Research Says: Evidence from Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions (NDBIs) and relationship-based models like the Early Start Denver Model (ESDM) demonstrates that embedding learning within warm, responsive interactions yields better cognitive and functional outcomes. Co-regulation and intrinsic motivation are far more effective at building lasting adaptive behaviors than rote, adult-directed compliance drills.[^2]

(Dr. Greenspan popularized those principles and techniques in the 1970’s and 80’s. It nice to see other interventions finally catching up)

3. Communication Built for Real Life

A child becomes more independent in ADLs when they can effectively communicate their needs, preferences, and emotions. True independence is actually interdependence, and looks like a child being able to express:

• “No, not that shirt” (stating a preference)
• “Help” (repairing a breakdown)
• “Wait” or “First–then” (tolerating a delay)
• “I’m mad” or “Too much” (signaling emotional overwhelm)
• “I have an idea” (taking initiative)

Greenspan Floortime prioritizes both nonverbal and verbal communication inside a warm interaction. ADLs aren’t just motor practice; they are real-time functional communication training.

What the Research Says: Research from developmental psychology and speech-language pathology emphasizes that communication is inherently context-dependent. According to social interactionist theories, children acquire language and communication skills most effectively during meaningful, joint activities rather than isolated drills. When skills are learned in the exact context they are needed—like asking for a towel when dripping wet, or gesturing for a snack when actually hungry—the brain links the word or gesture directly to the functional need, leading to much faster and more spontaneous generalization than skills practiced in artificial clinical settings.[^3]

4. Flexible Thinking, Not Rigid Routines

One of the most practical applications of Greenspan Floortime® is its use in the unpredictable environment of real life. The goal is not to get a child to memorize rigid, unchanging sequences.

In fact, encouraging rigid rule-following can inadvertently lead to increased behavioral rigidity. Instead, Greenspan Floortime emphasizes dynamic, back-and-forth exchanges that foster adaptability. Real life constantly demands flexibility: the favorite cup is in the dishwasher, the socks are wet, or the zipper is stuck.

What the Research Says: Deficits in executive functioning—specifically cognitive flexibility—are well-documented in children with developmental differences. Studies show that when individuals are overly reliant on rigid routines, they experience heightened distress when faced with unexpected changes. Interventions that promote active problem-solving and adaptable thinking directly strengthen executive function, improving long-term independence and quality of life in adulthood.[^4]

What It Looks Like in Real Routines

Here is how you can shift from a compliance-based “task” mindset to a Greenspan Floortime interaction.

Getting Dressed: From Task to Interaction

Instead of rushing and demanding, “Put on your socks,” try the Follow → Challenge → Expand framework.

• Follow: Notice what the child is doing. Are they seeking movement or avoiding touch?
• Challenge: Make dressing a shared problem. Playfully “mess up” by putting their sock on their hand.
• Expand: Pause and wait. Give the child space to think and communicate by looking, gesturing, or saying, “No, foot!”

Bath Time and Toothbrushing: Supporting Sensory Needs

These routines often fail when a child’s sensory system is overwhelmed. Instead of “powering through,” support regulation inside a co-regulated interaction.

• Keep a playful connection going with songs, silly faces, or a “your turn/my turn” game.
• Allow the child to be an active participant by letting them choose the towel or the toothpaste flavor.
• Treat protests as valid communication and respond to them purposefully.

Making a Snack: Fostering Problem-Solving

Snack time naturally combines motor skills, sequencing, and communication. Neuroscience tells us that “neurons that fire together, wire together” especially when participating in emotionally meaningful social experiences—integrated, multi-element experiences build stronger brain connections than isolated drills.

• Put a desired snack in a clear, tough-to-open container.
• Wait expectantly for the child to initiate a request for help via a gesture, sound, or word.
• Introduce tiny obstacles, like forgetting a spoon, and ask, “Oops! What should we do?”

The Big Takeaway

Greenspan Floortime® transforms daily routines from stressful chores into emotionally meaningful, thinking-based experiences. By prioritizing regulation, connection, and communication, children are inherently motivated to participate. Gradually, they take on more of the planning and problem-solving themselves, leading to genuine, generalized independence across all areas of daily life.

1. Regulation and Sensory Processing (Impact on ADLs)

Schaaf, R. C., Benevides, T., Mailloux, Z., Faller, P., Hunt, J., van Hooydonk, E., Freeman, R., & Kelly, D. (2014). An intervention for sensory difficulties in children with autism: A randomized trial. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 44(7), 1493–1506. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-013-1983-3

Tomchek, S. D., & Dunn, W. (2007). Sensory processing in children with and without autism: A comparative study using the Short Sensory Profile. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 61(2), 190–200. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.61.2.190

2. Motivation, Relationship, and Shared Control

Crank, J. E., Sandbank, M., Froehlich, A. L., Boyd, B. A., Hume, K. A., Reszka, S. S., & Odom, S. L. (2021). Outcomes of Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions for young children with autism spectrum disorder: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 84, 101971. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.101971

Schreibman, L., Dawson, G., Stahmer, A. C., Landa, R., Rogers, S. J., McGee, G. G., Kasari, C., Ingersoll, B., Kaiser, A. P., Bruer, J. T., McNerney, E., Wetherby, A., & Halladay, A. (2015). Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions: Empirically validated treatments for autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(8), 2411–2428. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2407-8

3. Communication Built for Real Life (Developmental/Socio-Pragmatic)

Bruner, J. (1983). Child’s talk: Learning to use language. W. W. Norton & Company.

McWilliam, R. A. (2010). Routines-based early intervention: Supporting young children and their families. Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.

4. Flexible Thinking and Executive Functioning

Pugliese, C. E., Anthony, L. G., Strang, J. F., Dudley, K., Wallace, G. L., & Kenworthy, L. (2015). Increasing implicit social instruction in the classroom: The development of a school-based executive function intervention. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(11), 3595–3604. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2504-8

Wallace, G. L., Kenworthy, L., Puura, V., Almqvist, K., Larsson, H., & Isaksson, J. (2016). Real-world executive functions in adults with autism spectrum disorder: Profiles of impairment and associations with adaptive functioning and co-morbid anxiety. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 46(3), 1071–1083. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2641-0

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Dr. Stanley Greenspan, the creator of The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, outlined essential principles for parents to handle challenging behaviors, such as temper tantrums, meltdowns, aggression, perseveration, or self-absorption, by focusing on a strategy that is both responsive to the child’s emotional needs and firmness.

The core principle for setting limits is to be gentle but firm and engage in lots of back and forth interaction around the issue/moment. This method ensures that while boundaries are maintained, the relationship and the child’s emotional development remain the priority.  This doesn’t mean we ‘give in’ or “agree with them”, but it does mean we listen and show that we understand. 

According to Dr. Greenspan’s body of work, there are 6 main steps that help with these behavioral expressions while also supporting Social-Emotional Growth:

1. “Give before you Expect”: Build and/or Deepen Relationships of Trust and Respect

The first and most critical step is to consistently engage in Greenspan Floortime®, because it establishes trust and respect between you and your child. This means that setting aside time daily to ‘listen’ to your child by connecting with them around their interests essentially shows them that are able and willing to adapt to their needs and in turn they will be more likely to adapt to yours.   

When setting limits, Dr. Greenspan advised to always do more Greenspan Floortime®, and increase the amount of Greenspan Floortime® proportionally to the limit setting. This ensures that the disciplinary moments are balanced by positive, nurturing interaction.

For example, if you’ve just come home from work and start telling your child what to, you can expect resistance, rigidity, and even meltdowns. However, if you spend the first 20 minutes engaging with your child around their interests/play, then they will be more receptive to the directions/expectations/boundaries afterward.  Sometimes even more rebuilding and connecting with your child will be necessary if the relationship is already tenuous or volatile. 

2. Practice and Preparation (All Caregivers Must be on the Same Page)

The approach to preparation depends on the child’s verbal abilities:

• For verbal children: Parents should have problem-solving discussions and practice things ahead of time. Use playful conversations and pretend play to help them predict and anticipate “what could happen?”
• For non-speaking children: Parents must be hyper empathetic and gradual when exposing their child to difficult scenarios. The focus should be on anticipating what challenges and expectations we are exposing them to, and how to prevent overstimulation versus becoming more directive, punitive, or rigid after they start acting out.  If that is not an option, then the goal is to focus on counter regulating the child and getting them back to a calm ‘baseline’ state while staying emotionally engaged with them. 
• How we set limits should be based on the child’s developmental communication abilities and not simply their age.

3. Empathize with Feelings

It is equally important to always empathize with the child’s feelings. Understanding and acknowledging the child’s emotional state helps them feel seen, which is a key component of the gentle side of limit-setting. Even if you disagree with what they are expressing in the moment, showing them you understand them is an important and necessary component for showing them the respect you would like in turn.  Acknowledging and showing understanding of their emotions DOES NOT mean you are agreeing with them or giving in.    

4. Implement Small, Gradual Steps

Parents should take expectations/challenges step by step and ensure they make the steps small. This focus on small gains allows the child to master new expectations incrementally without becoming overwhelmed.  For example, if you are starting a new school or a new classroom, then first spending time in the classroom and/or on the playground with just the teacher, or just you and your child, will help them transition into the new environment more easily.  Many schools already offer some version of this.

5. Managing Perseverations Interactively

For challenging behaviors related to obsessions/perseverations/repetitive actions, the focus should be on meeting the child within their world and joining them so that you are part of the experience. Parents should focus in on the child’s activity and playfully become part of it and even help the child perform it in a more socially interactive manner. The goal is to shift the emphasis toward using the behavior interactively to engage the child, rather than simply trying to stop the behavior outright or allowing them to become more rigid and anti-social within it.

6. Boundaries and Consequences Should Only be Applied When a Child is in a Regulated State.

When something happens and you feel a consequence is necessary…

1. Listen to the child. Get as much information as possible by asking the right questions.
   • You need to understand the child’s thinking and reasoning before you respond.
   • If the child struggles to communicate with language, then try to understand the emotional and sensory components driving the behavior.
     • Consequences may not have their intended impact on children with communication differences. They may not fully understand some of the logic and cause and effect elements of the consequence.
2. Help (and gently guide) the child come to their own conclusions about their behavior.
   • If they can handle it, ask questions about whether the child broke a rule, did something they were not allowed to, etc.  
3. If the conversation is shortly after the behavior, DO NOT discuss social-emotional consequences. It can lead to guilt and derail the conversation about the child’s feelings and what led to the behavior. Discuss the natural social outcomes/consequences of their actions later on.
   • If the child is still in an emotionally heated moment, they will experience guilt if we push the emotional consequences of their actions. Guilt can perpetuate the behavior.
4. Determine your response:
   • Is a consequence necessary? Consider a discussion of future consequences, or a discussion of other ways the child can express themselves.
   • If this is a repeat offence, then implement a previously discussed consequence. 

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How Boundaries and Challenges Facilitate a Child’s Social Emotional Growth

The most profound truths are often the simplest. There is an old Latin phrase, once the motto of a sixth-century monastery, that carries a powerful message for modern parenting: Succisa virescit.

Its translation roughly means, “When cut down, we grow back stronger.”

In an age where we often try to remove all obstacles from our children’s paths, Succisa virescit reminds us that growth comes from overcoming challenges, not avoiding them, and even sometimes failing.  Thinking, creating, expressing, and adapting are all fundamental elements of Social Emotional Health and children develop these through challenging themselves or being challenged by others.  Any experience that encourages or necessitates the use of our problem solving, flexibility, communication, logic, tolerance, etc. are types of challenges.  Some of the earliest challenges children experience involve the setting of boundaries. 

Starting as early as 12 months, a child begins to understand the difference between an approving face, like one with a smile, and a disapproving face, like one with a frown.  This is often the first type of limit a child experiences. Threse early boundaries help children learn to explore their world within safe boundaries.  Learning what’s ok and not ok to do by receiving natural feedback from a caregiver in the form of an emotional expression also becomes the first time a child is challenged to take into consideration another person’s perspective (the seed for developing Theory of Mind).  The focus should not be placed on whether children are being challenged or not, but instead how we support and nurture them through those challenges.

The Greenspan Floortime Approach: Challenging for Growth

By integrating the idea of the developmentally appropriate challenges with the relationship-based principles of The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, children can feel supported while being “stretched”
 and experiencing challenges.  Dr. Stanley Greenspan recognized the importance of meeting children on their level—both developmentally and physically—to maximize communicating, interacting, and learning. This is the foundation for both setting boundaries and challenging them to grow:

1. Setting Growth-Oriented Boundaries (The Necessary ‘No’)

• Developing and/or Deepening the Relationship
  • To benefit from and constructively learn from a boundary, a child should have a relationship of trust and respect with the person they are receiving the boundary from.  This will ensure that the boundaries are seen as coming from a place of love and are not simply seen as simply punitive or hurtful. 
• Boundaries exist to support, protect, and educate, not simply punish and/or “teach a lesson”.
  • They are the essential guardrails that facilitate the emotional health and relationships that drive our behavior, communication, and thinking. By maintaining firm but gentile, predictable limits, we create opportunities/challenges for a child to regulate their emotions, process their frustration, and ultimately discover a more flexible solution. This struggle to adapt within a boundary is where emotional growth occurs.

2. Challenging for Growth (The Next Step)

• The Greenspan Floortime Approach® was explicitly designed to help children progress and grow into their best/optimal selves.
  • This growth is fostered by challenging them to grow from the ground up and naturally expand their social emotional capacities within meaningful relationships. By first meeting children on their level, we connect with them and in-turn them with us. 
• Developmentally Appropriate Challenges and Boundaries.
  • Depending on where a child is within their developmental process, boundaries and challenges can be effectively delivered by making sure they are tailored to the child’s developmental age and abilities, and not their chronological age. If delivered in a manner the child can process and co-regulate through, this becomes a moment of growth. The adult’s supportive yet firm delivery encourages the child to stretch their regulation and fortitude, building new neural pathways and emerging stronger than before.

(Neuroscience confirms this: the struggle itself triggers the release of neurotransmitters that signal the brain to pay attention and form stronger neural connections. When we remove all struggle, we risk raising children who are fluent in answers but fragile in process.  However, if the “struggle is too much (too threatening), then the learning process becomes ‘overwhelming’ and growth shuts down.)

For onsite in-person coaching and therapeutic programs, contact The Floortime Center

Experience Personalized Guidance: Accelerate your progress with virtual individualized coaching, tailored to your unique needs and goals.

Unlock the secrets of Dr. Greenspan’s Floortime: Learn to APPLY Greenspan Floortime. Purchase the comprehensive Floortime Manual 2^nd Edition and embark on a journey of joyful, meaningful communication with your child

References:

Widen, S. C., & Russell, J. A. (2003). A road map for the development of emotion concepts. Cognition and Emotion, 17(3), 407–433.

Wellman, H. M. (1990). The Child’s Theory of Mind. MIT Press.

Sorce, J. F., Emde, R. N., Campos, J. J., & Klinnert, M. D. (1985). Maternal emotional signaling: Its effect on the visual cliff behavior of 1-year-olds. Developmental Psychology, 21(1), 195–200.

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

Morris, A. S., Silk, J. S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S. S., & Robinson, L. R. (2007). The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development, 16(2), 361–388.

Black, J. E., & Greenough, W. T. (1986). Developmental and experiential effects on dendrites and spines of cerebellar Purkinje cells. Developmental Brain Research, 29(1), 159–165.

Benson, E. S. (2002, November 1). The synaptic self. Monitor on Psychology, 33(10). https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov02/synaptic

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In the world of parenting, it’s easy to feel the pressure to set high standards for our children. We want them to be successful, kind, and capable, and also listen and follow directions. But where is the line between having healthy expectations and making rigid demands? The answer lies in the principle of responsive caregiving, a research-backed approach that focuses on a child’s needs rather than a caregiver’s desires.

In the late 1970’s, Dr. Stanley Greenspan, through his work on his Greenspan/DIR Model, laid the groundwork for many concepts now central to responsive caregiving. Long before the term became popular, Greenspan’s framework emphasized that development is not just about a child acquiring skills in isolation. Instead, it’s a dynamic, two-way process built on the emotional relationship between a child and their caregiver. He stressed the importance of caregivers following the child’s lead, meeting them at their developmental level, and joining in their play to create a “shared world” and “circles of communication.”

This idea of a “circle of communication”—a continuous, back-and-forth exchange of gestures, sounds, and emotions—is a fundamental principle of responsive caregiving. Greenspan’s work showed that these interactions, which are rich with emotional connection and tailored to the individual child and their needs, are what truly drive social, emotional, and cognitive growth. Rather than a parent directing, or demanding, a child to do a task, Greenspan advocated for a caregiver to be an attuned and playful partner, helping the child build on their natural interests and internal motivations. His foundational work, particularly with children with developmental differences, demonstrated that by focusing on the relationship and the child’s unique sensory and emotional needs, caregivers can create the nurturing environment needed for children to thrive.

The Power of Responsive Caregiving

Child development experts widely recognize responsive caregiving as a cornerstone of healthy growth. This approach is about noticing and understanding a child’s signals, then responding to them in a timely and appropriate way. Research from sources like the National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations and Head Start’s Early Childhood Learning & Knowledge Center shows that this “serve-and-return” interaction (synonymous with circles of interaction) builds secure, trusting relationships. Numerous studies have found a significant correlation between responsive caregiving and general child development, particularly in fine motor skills, and improved physical, cognitive, and psychosocial health throughout childhood.
At its core, responsive caregiving is not about dictating outcomes; it’s about providing the emotional and physical scaffolding a child needs to thrive. It teaches children that their feelings and needs are valid, fostering a sense of security and self-worth that is essential for emotional regulation and resilience.

Expectations vs. Demands

The key to applying this approach is to reframe how we think about what we want for our children.

Expectations are a belief in a child’s potential. They are broad, flexible goals that are often unspoken and evolve as a child grows. An expectation might be that your child will learn to be a kind person or will develop the confidence to try new things. These are often rooted in mutual respect and open communication.

Demands are rigid, non-negotiable requirements that put pressure on a child to perform in a specific way to please a caregiver/adult. They often come from a place of fear or control and can create stress, anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy in a child. For example, demanding a child to say please and/or thank you or pursue a specific instrument or sport can limit their autonomy and passion.

When expectations turn into demands, the focus shifts from a child’s innate development to an external performance metric. The child learns that their value is tied to their ability to meet a caregiver’s strict criteria, which can undermine their self-esteem and intrinsic motivation. Afterall, if we nurture the expectation of a child being kind they will likely decide to say please and thank you on their own, and we don’t have to demand it.

How to Foster a Responsive Environment

So, how do we have expectations without them becoming demands?

• Tune in and Respond: Practice active listening and empathy. Instead of immediately correcting a child’s behavior, try to understand the emotion or need behind it. Responsive caregiving is about “tuning in to the cues your child is using to tell you what’s bothering them,” as explained by The Family, Infant and Preschool Program.
• Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome: Praise effort and growth rather than just results. For instance, instead of saying, “I expect you to get a perfect score on your test,” you can say, “I expect you to try your best and study hard.” This encourages a growth mindset and a love of learning for its own sake.
• Encourage Agency and Independence: Allow your child to make choices and take responsibility for their actions. As outlined by the California Department of Education, providing opportunities for safe exploration and play is crucial for a child to define themselves and build confidence.
• Model Healthy Behavior: Show your child how to handle challenges and emotions with grace. Your actions are a more powerful teacher than any words you can use.
  By embracing responsive caregiving, we can cultivate an environment where expectations are a source of inspiration, not a burden. This approach helps us raise children who are not only successful but also confident, emotionally balanced, and capable of navigating the world with resilience and grace.

For onsite in-person coaching and therapeutic programs, contact The Floortime Center

Experience Personalized Guidance: Accelerate your progress with virtual individualized coaching, tailored to your unique needs and goals.

Unlock the secrets of Dr. Greenspan’s Floortime: Learn to APPLY Greenspan Floortime. Purchase the comprehensive Floortime Manual 2^nd Edition and embark on a journey of joyful, meaningful communication with your child

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