True Regulation isn’t just about being “calm” or “well-behaved.” It’s about how a child’s nervous system takes in and organizes sensory and emotional experience—because those two systems must work together, all the time.

Research into neuroplasticity and child development suggests that the brain’s architecture is built through the “serve and return” of social interaction (aka Dr. Greenspan’s concept of Continuous Flow and Co-Regulated Interactions), which is heavily dependent on how a child processes the world around them (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2016).

That’s why Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s approach (created in the 1980’s, long before Harvard caught up) emphasizes understanding each child’s unique regulatory profile. The same room, the same toy, and the same adult can feel completely different to two different children—so the same “Greenspan Floortime technique” can land beautifully with one child and totally miss with another.

What Is a Regulatory Profile in Child Development?

A regulatory profile is the pattern you notice in how a child:

• Reacts to sensory input (sound, touch, movement, visual input, etc.).
• Responds emotionally to experiences and relationships.
• Stays organized (or becomes disorganized) during everyday demands.
• Uses (or can’t access) attention, engagement, and reciprocal interaction because their system is either overloaded, under-activated, or inconsistent.

The field of Sensory Integration encourages us to consider how this modulation occurs within multiple systems—emotional, hearing, vision, touch, taste/smell—plus two especially important ones:

• Proprioception: Pressure feedback in muscles/joints; body awareness in space.
• Vestibular: Movement, balance, head position; also influences eye control.

The Research Backing: This focus on sensory and emotional processing is supported by the theory of Sensory Integration, which posits that the brain must organize sensory and emotional information to produce an adaptive response. Ayres (1972) established that difficulties in processing sensory information can lead to challenges in emotional regulation and behavioral output.

Crucially, sensory and emotional components must work together. The goal is a truly integrated experience: sensory processing paired with social-emotional interaction, so different parts of the brain work together around one meaningful experience.

1. The Sensitive Child: Sensory Over-Reactivity

Sensitive children tend to be sensory and emotionally over-reactive, so input can feel “too big” too fast. They may be avoidant or averse at first, and the louder or faster we move, the more reactive they become. This is often linked to a lower threshold for sensory and emotional stimuli (like swings, being picked up, or stepping into a large room), where the brain perceives a “threat” in standard environments (Dunn, 1997).

The Core Principle: Go Slowly and Be Gradual The Greenspan Floortime Approach® suggests moving “like a snail or a turtle.” Research on the Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011) supports this: when a child feels sensory “threat,” their nervous system shifts into a defensive state (fight/flight). By slowing down, we signal safety, allowing the child to move into a “social engagement” state.

That can show up as:

• getting overwhelmed by noise, touch, movement, visual “busy-ness,” transitions, or strong emotion
• caution, hesitation, avoidance, irritability, or shutting down when input is too much
• needing predictability and gradual changes to stay organized

A key nuance for adults: If we stay at high intensity after the child is engaged, it can become overwhelming. The delivery is part of the sensory-emotional load — not just the activity itself.

Following the Child’s Lead with Sensitive Children

Following the lead doesn’t mean hovering or letting the child do anything without purpose; it means joining in a way that helps the child feel safe, regulated, and motivated to connect. “Following the Child’s Lead” exists for the main purpose of entering the child’s world to create a shared world, not simply letting them wander.

For Sensitive kids, “following the lead” often means you join with:

• softer voice
• slower approach
• gentler facial expression and gestures
• more space and predictability

In practice: your pace, your tone, your facial expression, your physical distance, your voice volume—these are regulatory supports.

Reflective Question for Practitioners

 When a child is wary or overwhelmed, do you try to “win them over” by getting bigger and more animated—or can you slow your body and voice down enough that the child can stay organized while connecting?

2. The Seeking Child: Under-Reactivity with Active Seeking

A Seeking child is often described as under-reactive—meaning their system may not be getting enough input to feel alert/organized—so they compensate by seeking more stimulation. They often want lots of movement, intensity, and action—running, swinging, crashing, bouncing—because that sensory input helps them feel organized enough to stay involved.

You might see:

• constant movement (crashing, jumping, spinning, running)
• big sensory preferences (intense pressure, intense movement, constant touching)
• revved-up energy that can look “hyper,” disorganized, or impulsive
• strong drive to keep input going (because it helps their system “turn on”)

The Research Backing: Studies on arousal modulation suggest that “seekers” are often trying to reach an optimal level of arousal. Without enough input, they may feel “foggy” or disorganized. By providing intense sensory input, we help them reach a state of “homeostasis” where learning can occur (Cascio, 2010).

The Core Technique: Join the Seeking, then Challenge The goal is to turn sensory input into a shared emotional experience.

• Rhythmic patterns: Use start/stop games to build attention.
• Adding Meaning: If they are swinging, it’s not just a swing; it’s an “airplane” going to a new destination. This bridges the gap between raw sensory input and symbolic thinking.
• In other words: seeking isn’t “bad behavior.” It may be an attempt at self-regulation. Your job is to turn it into shared regulation and shared meaning leading to strengthening ‘true regulation’.

When following the lead of a seeking child, we join their sensory activity and then challenge them just a little so it can begin to become more interactive and about the person and not the sensory activity—without stopping the sensory activity they love.

A key tool is adding rhythmic patterns—start/stop, start/stop—while closely watching the child’s response. That rhythm can help the child attend, engage, and begin to interact (rather than just “move”).  If they are symbolic and they like swinging, you might keep swinging but now it’s an “airplane” or “helicopter” going somewhere, different each time—as long as you’re still following their lead around the sensory preference .

This captures a central Greenspan Floortime theme: the goal isn’t sensory input by itself—it’s sensory input as part of a shared emotional experience that supports relating, communicating, and thinking.

Reflective question: When a child gets big and intense, do you feel an urge to shut it down and “teach calm”—or can you join safely and help the intensity become interactive and purposeful.

3. The Under-Reactive Child: Building Engagement Through Relationship

These children need sensory stimulation but don’t seek it out. They may have low muscle tone or poor motor planning (dyspraxia). To the outside world, they may seem withdrawn or disinterested.  Under-reactive/passive children still need sensory stimulation, but for various reasons they may not show it clearly or seek it out.

Possible factors include:

• poor motor planning/sequencing (“not know how to get the stimulation”)
• low muscle tone
• being too passive/withdrawn in their own world
• even “learned passivity” (taught they are not allowed to seek stimulation)

The Research Backing: This profile often involves Low Registration (Dunn, 1997). The child’s brain requires a higher “volume” of input to register that something is happening. Research suggests that without active intervention to “wake up” the system, these children may miss out on critical social-emotional learning windows (Greenspan & Wieder, 1997).

The Core Technique: “Wake Up” the System through Relationship– The intervention is Sensory + Emotion + Interaction.

• Offer organized movement (swinging, pressure, tactile play).
• Pair it with high emotional warmth and animation to “alert” the system.
• The goal is to help them move from a passive state to a proactive, “reaching out” state.

Children often respond best when stimulation is controlled and organized, not overly intense/erratic (i.e., not out of their control).

It also points out common under-reactive areas, including:

• tactile (touch)
• vestibular (movement)
• proprioceptive (pressure)
• and even positive emotions/positive affect

That last point matters: for some children, it’s not only the sensory system that’s under-activated—the emotional system can be, too.

The intervention for under-reactive children is not just sensory — it’s sensory + emotion + interaction, deliberately integrated. Sensory input should always be combined with emotional presence: your voice, affect, and playful engagement give the child’s nervous system a reason to “come online.”

Across all three profiles, the goal is the same: integrate sensory and emotional regulation within social-emotional interaction — because integrated experiences help the brain work together around one meaningful activity.

Neuroscience shows that the brain is not a collection of isolated parts; the Prefrontal Cortex (higher thinking) and the Limbic System (emotion/regulation) must be well-connected for a child to thrive (Siegel, 2012). Greenspan Floortime® targets these connections by refusing to separate “sensory work” from “emotional relating and interaction.”

Waking Up the System Through Relationship

For passive/under-reactive children, provide more of the input they’re under-reactive to — but inside a fun, interactive social exchange. When sensory input is matched well and paired with warm engagement, children become more alert and increasingly proactive over time.

Regulatory Profile Quick Reference for Greenspan Floortime® Sessions

If the Child Is Sensitive

• Think: reduce intensity, increase predictability
• Do: slow body/voice (“snail/turtle”), gradual approach, don’t stay “amped” after engagement

If the Child Is Seeking

• Think: join the movement, then make it shared and meaningful
• Do: keep preferred sensory play going, add tiny challenges that invite interaction/pretend

If the Child Is Under-Reactive or Passive

• Think: they may need input but won’t ask for it
• Do: offer movement/pressure/touch in an organized way and pair it with strong emotional warmth/animation to alert the system

Why Regulatory Profiles Matter in Greenspan Floortime® Sessions

Children (and adults) experience the world differently. These differences shape personality traits, behaviors, and learning styles — so to help a child learn, we must adjust our methods to their profile. This is why The Greenspan Floortime Approach® is not one-size-fits-all: the adult must adapt moment to moment based on the child’s responses, because the goal is always the same — help the child relate, communicate, and think within real interaction.

A child’s regulation happens in a relationship. This is the concept of Co-regulation. Research indicates that an adult’s ability to remain regulated and attuned (the “Social Engagement System”) is the primary predictor of a child’s ability to eventually self-regulate (Porges, 2011).

A child’s regulation is never happening in a vacuum— it’s happening in a relationship.
So here are a few reflective questions that often change the interaction immediately:

Reflective Questions for Practitioners

• When your child is Sensitive/over-reactive, do you tend to get bigger/louder to “pull them in”—or do you naturally slow down?
• When your child is Seeking, do you feel playful joining—or do you feel exhausted/irritated by the intensity?
• When your child is Passive, do you become more animated and warmer—or do you get quiet and start “teaching” to fill the silence?

Your own pacing, intensity, and emotional signals can either support the child’s regulation—or accidentally push them further into overload, revving, or withdrawal.

Closing thought

These three regulatory profiles—Sensitive, Seeking, and Passive—are not labels to stick on a child. They’re a map that helps you answer a more useful question:
“What does this child’s body and emotional system need right now in order to stay organized enough to connect with me?”

To learn more about regulatory profiles and The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, visit stanleygreenspan.com.

Sources

• Ayres, A. J. (1972). Sensory Integration and Learning Disorders.
• Cascio, C. J. (2010). The Sensory Challenges of Autism.
• Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2016). From Best Practices to Breakthrough Impacts.
• Dunn, W. (1997). The Impact of Sensory Processing Abilities on the Daily Lives of Young Children and Their Families.
• Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (1997). Developmental Patterns and Outcomes in Infants and Children with Disorders in Relating and Communicating.
• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation.
• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are.

Frequently Asked Questions

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Why ADLs Aren’t “Just Skills”—They’re Developmental Opportunities

How Greenspan Floortime® builds real-life interdependence through connection.

Greenspan Floortime® is widely recognized as a child-centered, thinking-based approach using play and meaningful relationships to encourage child development. However, one of its most practical and powerful applications happens outside of traditional therapy sessions—it happens during everyday Activities of Daily Living (ADLs). Routines like getting dressed, bath time, and making a snack are packed with opportunities to build the core foundations of independence: regulation, engagement, communication, problem-solving, and flexibility.

In Dr. Greenspan’s framework, the primary goals are simple: Relate, Communicate, Think. When these three pillars grow, ADLs naturally become easier and more independent because the child is calmer, more connected, and better equipped to plan and adapt.

Here is a look at why Greenspan Floortime® leads to real-life independence, supported by developmental research.

1. Regulation Comes First

Many ADL struggles are not about a child “not knowing how” to do a task. Often, they are about a child being too dysregulated to organize their body, attention, and emotions long enough to complete it.

Greenspan Floortime® starts with helping a child become calm, focused, and able to engage with a person and not only the activity or object.  This “ground-up” approach meets the child developmentally rather than forcing age-level performance. When regulation improves, you typically see a cascade of positive effects:

• Fewer battles during transitions, such as moving from the bath to pajamas.
• Increased tolerance for sensory experiences, like toothpaste flavors or clothing textures.
• Greater willingness to accept help because the child remains emotionally connected.

What the Research Says: Recent clinical studies on sensory processing in neurodivergent children emphasize that atypical sensory reactivity severely limits participation in daily living activities. Research on pediatric occupational therapy highlights that addressing underlying autonomic arousal and self-regulation—rather than just forcing task compliance—significantly improves a child’s ability to engage in functional, everyday routines.[^1]

2. Motivation and Relationship Over Compliance

Because daily routines often feel rushed, they can easily become adult-led and compliance-driven. Greenspan Floortime® flips this dynamic by remaining child-centered. You follow the child’s lead, join their world, and then gently challenge and expand the interaction.

The limitation of “just comply” approaches is that while a child may complete a task with heavy prompting, they rarely generalize that independence or build problem-solving skills. Floortime constantly asks: “Who’s doing the thinking?” If the adult is doing all the thinking (“Put your arm here. Now pull. Step in.”), the child never builds their own internal cognitive processing, further shutting down their prefrontal cortex and their development of executive functioning. 

What the Research Says: Evidence from Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions (NDBIs) and relationship-based models like the Early Start Denver Model (ESDM) demonstrates that embedding learning within warm, responsive interactions yields better cognitive and functional outcomes. Co-regulation and intrinsic motivation are far more effective at building lasting adaptive behaviors than rote, adult-directed compliance drills.[^2]

(Dr. Greenspan popularized those principles and techniques in the 1970’s and 80’s. It nice to see other interventions finally catching up)

3. Communication Built for Real Life

A child becomes more independent in ADLs when they can effectively communicate their needs, preferences, and emotions. True independence is actually interdependence, and looks like a child being able to express:

• “No, not that shirt” (stating a preference)
• “Help” (repairing a breakdown)
• “Wait” or “First–then” (tolerating a delay)
• “I’m mad” or “Too much” (signaling emotional overwhelm)
• “I have an idea” (taking initiative)

Greenspan Floortime prioritizes both nonverbal and verbal communication inside a warm interaction. ADLs aren’t just motor practice; they are real-time functional communication training.

What the Research Says: Research from developmental psychology and speech-language pathology emphasizes that communication is inherently context-dependent. According to social interactionist theories, children acquire language and communication skills most effectively during meaningful, joint activities rather than isolated drills. When skills are learned in the exact context they are needed—like asking for a towel when dripping wet, or gesturing for a snack when actually hungry—the brain links the word or gesture directly to the functional need, leading to much faster and more spontaneous generalization than skills practiced in artificial clinical settings.[^3]

4. Flexible Thinking, Not Rigid Routines

One of the most practical applications of Greenspan Floortime® is its use in the unpredictable environment of real life. The goal is not to get a child to memorize rigid, unchanging sequences.

In fact, encouraging rigid rule-following can inadvertently lead to increased behavioral rigidity. Instead, Greenspan Floortime emphasizes dynamic, back-and-forth exchanges that foster adaptability. Real life constantly demands flexibility: the favorite cup is in the dishwasher, the socks are wet, or the zipper is stuck.

What the Research Says: Deficits in executive functioning—specifically cognitive flexibility—are well-documented in children with developmental differences. Studies show that when individuals are overly reliant on rigid routines, they experience heightened distress when faced with unexpected changes. Interventions that promote active problem-solving and adaptable thinking directly strengthen executive function, improving long-term independence and quality of life in adulthood.[^4]

What It Looks Like in Real Routines

Here is how you can shift from a compliance-based “task” mindset to a Greenspan Floortime interaction.

Getting Dressed: From Task to Interaction

Instead of rushing and demanding, “Put on your socks,” try the Follow → Challenge → Expand framework.

• Follow: Notice what the child is doing. Are they seeking movement or avoiding touch?
• Challenge: Make dressing a shared problem. Playfully “mess up” by putting their sock on their hand.
• Expand: Pause and wait. Give the child space to think and communicate by looking, gesturing, or saying, “No, foot!”

Bath Time and Toothbrushing: Supporting Sensory Needs

These routines often fail when a child’s sensory system is overwhelmed. Instead of “powering through,” support regulation inside a co-regulated interaction.

• Keep a playful connection going with songs, silly faces, or a “your turn/my turn” game.
• Allow the child to be an active participant by letting them choose the towel or the toothpaste flavor.
• Treat protests as valid communication and respond to them purposefully.

Making a Snack: Fostering Problem-Solving

Snack time naturally combines motor skills, sequencing, and communication. Neuroscience tells us that “neurons that fire together, wire together” especially when participating in emotionally meaningful social experiences—integrated, multi-element experiences build stronger brain connections than isolated drills.

• Put a desired snack in a clear, tough-to-open container.
• Wait expectantly for the child to initiate a request for help via a gesture, sound, or word.
• Introduce tiny obstacles, like forgetting a spoon, and ask, “Oops! What should we do?”

The Big Takeaway

Greenspan Floortime® transforms daily routines from stressful chores into emotionally meaningful, thinking-based experiences. By prioritizing regulation, connection, and communication, children are inherently motivated to participate. Gradually, they take on more of the planning and problem-solving themselves, leading to genuine, generalized independence across all areas of daily life.

1. Regulation and Sensory Processing (Impact on ADLs)

Schaaf, R. C., Benevides, T., Mailloux, Z., Faller, P., Hunt, J., van Hooydonk, E., Freeman, R., & Kelly, D. (2014). An intervention for sensory difficulties in children with autism: A randomized trial. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 44(7), 1493–1506. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-013-1983-3

Tomchek, S. D., & Dunn, W. (2007). Sensory processing in children with and without autism: A comparative study using the Short Sensory Profile. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 61(2), 190–200. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.61.2.190

2. Motivation, Relationship, and Shared Control

Crank, J. E., Sandbank, M., Froehlich, A. L., Boyd, B. A., Hume, K. A., Reszka, S. S., & Odom, S. L. (2021). Outcomes of Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions for young children with autism spectrum disorder: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 84, 101971. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.101971

Schreibman, L., Dawson, G., Stahmer, A. C., Landa, R., Rogers, S. J., McGee, G. G., Kasari, C., Ingersoll, B., Kaiser, A. P., Bruer, J. T., McNerney, E., Wetherby, A., & Halladay, A. (2015). Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions: Empirically validated treatments for autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(8), 2411–2428. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2407-8

3. Communication Built for Real Life (Developmental/Socio-Pragmatic)

Bruner, J. (1983). Child’s talk: Learning to use language. W. W. Norton & Company.

McWilliam, R. A. (2010). Routines-based early intervention: Supporting young children and their families. Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.

4. Flexible Thinking and Executive Functioning

Pugliese, C. E., Anthony, L. G., Strang, J. F., Dudley, K., Wallace, G. L., & Kenworthy, L. (2015). Increasing implicit social instruction in the classroom: The development of a school-based executive function intervention. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(11), 3595–3604. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2504-8

Wallace, G. L., Kenworthy, L., Puura, V., Almqvist, K., Larsson, H., & Isaksson, J. (2016). Real-world executive functions in adults with autism spectrum disorder: Profiles of impairment and associations with adaptive functioning and co-morbid anxiety. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 46(3), 1071–1083. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2641-0

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Dr. Stanley Greenspan, the creator of The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, outlined essential principles for parents to handle challenging behaviors, such as temper tantrums, meltdowns, aggression, perseveration, or self-absorption, by focusing on a strategy that is both responsive to the child’s emotional needs and firmness.

The core principle for setting limits is to be gentle but firm and engage in lots of back and forth interaction around the issue/moment. This method ensures that while boundaries are maintained, the relationship and the child’s emotional development remain the priority.  This doesn’t mean we ‘give in’ or “agree with them”, but it does mean we listen and show that we understand. 

According to Dr. Greenspan’s body of work, there are 6 main steps that help with these behavioral expressions while also supporting Social-Emotional Growth:

1. “Give before you Expect”: Build and/or Deepen Relationships of Trust and Respect

The first and most critical step is to consistently engage in Greenspan Floortime®, because it establishes trust and respect between you and your child. This means that setting aside time daily to ‘listen’ to your child by connecting with them around their interests essentially shows them that are able and willing to adapt to their needs and in turn they will be more likely to adapt to yours.   

When setting limits, Dr. Greenspan advised to always do more Greenspan Floortime®, and increase the amount of Greenspan Floortime® proportionally to the limit setting. This ensures that the disciplinary moments are balanced by positive, nurturing interaction.

For example, if you’ve just come home from work and start telling your child what to, you can expect resistance, rigidity, and even meltdowns. However, if you spend the first 20 minutes engaging with your child around their interests/play, then they will be more receptive to the directions/expectations/boundaries afterward.  Sometimes even more rebuilding and connecting with your child will be necessary if the relationship is already tenuous or volatile. 

2. Practice and Preparation (All Caregivers Must be on the Same Page)

The approach to preparation depends on the child’s verbal abilities:

• For verbal children: Parents should have problem-solving discussions and practice things ahead of time. Use playful conversations and pretend play to help them predict and anticipate “what could happen?”
• For non-speaking children: Parents must be hyper empathetic and gradual when exposing their child to difficult scenarios. The focus should be on anticipating what challenges and expectations we are exposing them to, and how to prevent overstimulation versus becoming more directive, punitive, or rigid after they start acting out.  If that is not an option, then the goal is to focus on counter regulating the child and getting them back to a calm ‘baseline’ state while staying emotionally engaged with them. 
• How we set limits should be based on the child’s developmental communication abilities and not simply their age.

3. Empathize with Feelings

It is equally important to always empathize with the child’s feelings. Understanding and acknowledging the child’s emotional state helps them feel seen, which is a key component of the gentle side of limit-setting. Even if you disagree with what they are expressing in the moment, showing them you understand them is an important and necessary component for showing them the respect you would like in turn.  Acknowledging and showing understanding of their emotions DOES NOT mean you are agreeing with them or giving in.    

4. Implement Small, Gradual Steps

Parents should take expectations/challenges step by step and ensure they make the steps small. This focus on small gains allows the child to master new expectations incrementally without becoming overwhelmed.  For example, if you are starting a new school or a new classroom, then first spending time in the classroom and/or on the playground with just the teacher, or just you and your child, will help them transition into the new environment more easily.  Many schools already offer some version of this.

5. Managing Perseverations Interactively

For challenging behaviors related to obsessions/perseverations/repetitive actions, the focus should be on meeting the child within their world and joining them so that you are part of the experience. Parents should focus in on the child’s activity and playfully become part of it and even help the child perform it in a more socially interactive manner. The goal is to shift the emphasis toward using the behavior interactively to engage the child, rather than simply trying to stop the behavior outright or allowing them to become more rigid and anti-social within it.

6. Boundaries and Consequences Should Only be Applied When a Child is in a Regulated State.

When something happens and you feel a consequence is necessary…

1. Listen to the child. Get as much information as possible by asking the right questions.
   • You need to understand the child’s thinking and reasoning before you respond.
   • If the child struggles to communicate with language, then try to understand the emotional and sensory components driving the behavior.
     • Consequences may not have their intended impact on children with communication differences. They may not fully understand some of the logic and cause and effect elements of the consequence.
2. Help (and gently guide) the child come to their own conclusions about their behavior.
   • If they can handle it, ask questions about whether the child broke a rule, did something they were not allowed to, etc.  
3. If the conversation is shortly after the behavior, DO NOT discuss social-emotional consequences. It can lead to guilt and derail the conversation about the child’s feelings and what led to the behavior. Discuss the natural social outcomes/consequences of their actions later on.
   • If the child is still in an emotionally heated moment, they will experience guilt if we push the emotional consequences of their actions. Guilt can perpetuate the behavior.
4. Determine your response:
   • Is a consequence necessary? Consider a discussion of future consequences, or a discussion of other ways the child can express themselves.
   • If this is a repeat offence, then implement a previously discussed consequence. 

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How Boundaries and Challenges Facilitate a Child’s Social Emotional Growth

The most profound truths are often the simplest. There is an old Latin phrase, once the motto of a sixth-century monastery, that carries a powerful message for modern parenting: Succisa virescit.

Its translation roughly means, “When cut down, we grow back stronger.”

In an age where we often try to remove all obstacles from our children’s paths, Succisa virescit reminds us that growth comes from overcoming challenges, not avoiding them, and even sometimes failing.  Thinking, creating, expressing, and adapting are all fundamental elements of Social Emotional Health and children develop these through challenging themselves or being challenged by others.  Any experience that encourages or necessitates the use of our problem solving, flexibility, communication, logic, tolerance, etc. are types of challenges.  Some of the earliest challenges children experience involve the setting of boundaries. 

Starting as early as 12 months, a child begins to understand the difference between an approving face, like one with a smile, and a disapproving face, like one with a frown.  This is often the first type of limit a child experiences. Threse early boundaries help children learn to explore their world within safe boundaries.  Learning what’s ok and not ok to do by receiving natural feedback from a caregiver in the form of an emotional expression also becomes the first time a child is challenged to take into consideration another person’s perspective (the seed for developing Theory of Mind).  The focus should not be placed on whether children are being challenged or not, but instead how we support and nurture them through those challenges.

The Greenspan Floortime Approach: Challenging for Growth

By integrating the idea of the developmentally appropriate challenges with the relationship-based principles of The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, children can feel supported while being “stretched”
 and experiencing challenges.  Dr. Stanley Greenspan recognized the importance of meeting children on their level—both developmentally and physically—to maximize communicating, interacting, and learning. This is the foundation for both setting boundaries and challenging them to grow:

1. Setting Growth-Oriented Boundaries (The Necessary ‘No’)

• Developing and/or Deepening the Relationship
  • To benefit from and constructively learn from a boundary, a child should have a relationship of trust and respect with the person they are receiving the boundary from.  This will ensure that the boundaries are seen as coming from a place of love and are not simply seen as simply punitive or hurtful. 
• Boundaries exist to support, protect, and educate, not simply punish and/or “teach a lesson”.
  • They are the essential guardrails that facilitate the emotional health and relationships that drive our behavior, communication, and thinking. By maintaining firm but gentile, predictable limits, we create opportunities/challenges for a child to regulate their emotions, process their frustration, and ultimately discover a more flexible solution. This struggle to adapt within a boundary is where emotional growth occurs.

2. Challenging for Growth (The Next Step)

• The Greenspan Floortime Approach® was explicitly designed to help children progress and grow into their best/optimal selves.
  • This growth is fostered by challenging them to grow from the ground up and naturally expand their social emotional capacities within meaningful relationships. By first meeting children on their level, we connect with them and in-turn them with us. 
• Developmentally Appropriate Challenges and Boundaries.
  • Depending on where a child is within their developmental process, boundaries and challenges can be effectively delivered by making sure they are tailored to the child’s developmental age and abilities, and not their chronological age. If delivered in a manner the child can process and co-regulate through, this becomes a moment of growth. The adult’s supportive yet firm delivery encourages the child to stretch their regulation and fortitude, building new neural pathways and emerging stronger than before.

(Neuroscience confirms this: the struggle itself triggers the release of neurotransmitters that signal the brain to pay attention and form stronger neural connections. When we remove all struggle, we risk raising children who are fluent in answers but fragile in process.  However, if the “struggle is too much (too threatening), then the learning process becomes ‘overwhelming’ and growth shuts down.)

For onsite in-person coaching and therapeutic programs, contact The Floortime Center

Experience Personalized Guidance: Accelerate your progress with virtual individualized coaching, tailored to your unique needs and goals.

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References:

Widen, S. C., & Russell, J. A. (2003). A road map for the development of emotion concepts. Cognition and Emotion, 17(3), 407–433.

Wellman, H. M. (1990). The Child’s Theory of Mind. MIT Press.

Sorce, J. F., Emde, R. N., Campos, J. J., & Klinnert, M. D. (1985). Maternal emotional signaling: Its effect on the visual cliff behavior of 1-year-olds. Developmental Psychology, 21(1), 195–200.

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

Morris, A. S., Silk, J. S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S. S., & Robinson, L. R. (2007). The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development, 16(2), 361–388.

Black, J. E., & Greenough, W. T. (1986). Developmental and experiential effects on dendrites and spines of cerebellar Purkinje cells. Developmental Brain Research, 29(1), 159–165.

Benson, E. S. (2002, November 1). The synaptic self. Monitor on Psychology, 33(10). https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov02/synaptic

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In the world of parenting, it’s easy to feel the pressure to set high standards for our children. We want them to be successful, kind, and capable, and also listen and follow directions. But where is the line between having healthy expectations and making rigid demands? The answer lies in the principle of responsive caregiving, a research-backed approach that focuses on a child’s needs rather than a caregiver’s desires.

In the late 1970’s, Dr. Stanley Greenspan, through his work on his Greenspan/DIR Model, laid the groundwork for many concepts now central to responsive caregiving. Long before the term became popular, Greenspan’s framework emphasized that development is not just about a child acquiring skills in isolation. Instead, it’s a dynamic, two-way process built on the emotional relationship between a child and their caregiver. He stressed the importance of caregivers following the child’s lead, meeting them at their developmental level, and joining in their play to create a “shared world” and “circles of communication.”

This idea of a “circle of communication”—a continuous, back-and-forth exchange of gestures, sounds, and emotions—is a fundamental principle of responsive caregiving. Greenspan’s work showed that these interactions, which are rich with emotional connection and tailored to the individual child and their needs, are what truly drive social, emotional, and cognitive growth. Rather than a parent directing, or demanding, a child to do a task, Greenspan advocated for a caregiver to be an attuned and playful partner, helping the child build on their natural interests and internal motivations. His foundational work, particularly with children with developmental differences, demonstrated that by focusing on the relationship and the child’s unique sensory and emotional needs, caregivers can create the nurturing environment needed for children to thrive.

The Power of Responsive Caregiving

Child development experts widely recognize responsive caregiving as a cornerstone of healthy growth. This approach is about noticing and understanding a child’s signals, then responding to them in a timely and appropriate way. Research from sources like the National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations and Head Start’s Early Childhood Learning & Knowledge Center shows that this “serve-and-return” interaction (synonymous with circles of interaction) builds secure, trusting relationships. Numerous studies have found a significant correlation between responsive caregiving and general child development, particularly in fine motor skills, and improved physical, cognitive, and psychosocial health throughout childhood.
At its core, responsive caregiving is not about dictating outcomes; it’s about providing the emotional and physical scaffolding a child needs to thrive. It teaches children that their feelings and needs are valid, fostering a sense of security and self-worth that is essential for emotional regulation and resilience.

Expectations vs. Demands

The key to applying this approach is to reframe how we think about what we want for our children.

Expectations are a belief in a child’s potential. They are broad, flexible goals that are often unspoken and evolve as a child grows. An expectation might be that your child will learn to be a kind person or will develop the confidence to try new things. These are often rooted in mutual respect and open communication.

Demands are rigid, non-negotiable requirements that put pressure on a child to perform in a specific way to please a caregiver/adult. They often come from a place of fear or control and can create stress, anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy in a child. For example, demanding a child to say please and/or thank you or pursue a specific instrument or sport can limit their autonomy and passion.

When expectations turn into demands, the focus shifts from a child’s innate development to an external performance metric. The child learns that their value is tied to their ability to meet a caregiver’s strict criteria, which can undermine their self-esteem and intrinsic motivation. Afterall, if we nurture the expectation of a child being kind they will likely decide to say please and thank you on their own, and we don’t have to demand it.

How to Foster a Responsive Environment

So, how do we have expectations without them becoming demands?

• Tune in and Respond: Practice active listening and empathy. Instead of immediately correcting a child’s behavior, try to understand the emotion or need behind it. Responsive caregiving is about “tuning in to the cues your child is using to tell you what’s bothering them,” as explained by The Family, Infant and Preschool Program.
• Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome: Praise effort and growth rather than just results. For instance, instead of saying, “I expect you to get a perfect score on your test,” you can say, “I expect you to try your best and study hard.” This encourages a growth mindset and a love of learning for its own sake.
• Encourage Agency and Independence: Allow your child to make choices and take responsibility for their actions. As outlined by the California Department of Education, providing opportunities for safe exploration and play is crucial for a child to define themselves and build confidence.
• Model Healthy Behavior: Show your child how to handle challenges and emotions with grace. Your actions are a more powerful teacher than any words you can use.
  By embracing responsive caregiving, we can cultivate an environment where expectations are a source of inspiration, not a burden. This approach helps us raise children who are not only successful but also confident, emotionally balanced, and capable of navigating the world with resilience and grace.

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(Stanley I Greenspan MD Inc. and its intervention, The Greenspan Floortime Approach®, DO NOT endorse or support ICDL or its DIRFloortime curriculum. Here are some of the reasons why.)

Have you ever wondered how your brain processes the world around you? It’s not just about seeing and hearing things in isolation. A new study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, reveals how the brain is constantly at work, merging what it sees and hears to make quicker, more accurate decisions. This process, a “multisensory integration,” is more profound than simply reacting to the fastest sense. It’s about a dynamic partnership between sight and sound that culminates in our motor system, a model the researchers refer to as “integration,” which proved more effective than the “race” model where one sense simply wins out over another.

Back in the 60’s and 70’s, Jean Ayres first described these processes and created the field of sensory integration.  While she highlighted the importance of the social emotional exchange between the therapist and client, and made sure the client was interacting and being socially purposeful within integrated sensory experiences, Dr. Greenspan’s work in the 70’s and 80’s homed in on the integrating force making this all possible, emotions. Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s work focused on understanding how the brain is a “predictive and associative machine,” and it’s constantly trying to make sense of the world by drawing emotional conclusions about every experience we have.  These abilities help us navigate the world through anticipating what’s going to happen around us and our responses to it, and connecting the many different elements of each experience, physical and emotional. According to Greenspan’s framework, these abilities to integrate, anticipate, and associate are fundamental to learning and development. He proposed that the very act of integrating multiple streams of sensory information within co-regulated interactions strengthens the neural pathways that are used in self-regulation, communication, and higher-level thinking and planning.

The Developmental View of Sensory Integration

While the neuroscience study focuses on the adult brain’s audio-visual merger, Greenspan’s work highlights the importance of this process from a developmental perspective. His Greenspan Floortime®, a key part of his Developmental, Individual-differences, and Relationship-based (Greenspan/DIR™) model, emphasizes that the way a child processes emotional and sensory information and plans motor actions underlies many behaviors. He believed that the brain’s ability to coordinate these different senses—what we see, hear, touch, and move is not a passive process but an active one, driven by emotions and meaningful interactions.

This perspective reveals a significant link between the laboratory and real-world application. The neuroscience research provides a concrete example of sensory integration in action, while Greenspan’s work offers a framework for nurturing this capacity in children. By creating a playful, engaging environment, Greenspan Floortime® encourages a child to actively explore and integrate their senses. This process, which is driven by internal motivation rather than external rewards, helps the child’s brain build a robust foundation for more complex skills like problem-solving, planning, and communication.

The Power of Integration in Action

Consider the simple act of having a conversation. The neuroscience study suggests your brain is merging the sound of a voice with the visual cues of a person’s emotional facial expressions to process the meaning of what they are saying. Greenspan’s work takes this a step further, explaining that this ability is linked to the brain’s predictive nature, where it anticipates the next word or phrase. This is a testament to the brain’s remarkable plasticity and its ability to reorganize itself throughout life based on experiences.

In essence, both the cutting-edge neuroscience research and the long-standing principles of Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s work arrive at a similar conclusion: the brain’s power lies not in its individual parts but in its ability to seamlessly integrate them. It’s a testament to the idea that our senses are not just separate channels but a single, integrated orchestra, playing in harmony to help us understand and navigate the world.

Unlock the secrets of Dr. Greenspan’s Floortime: Learn to APPLY Greenspan Floortime. Purchase the comprehensive Floortime Manual 2^nd Edition and embark on a journey of joyful, meaningful communication with your child

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